Peace Peace Peace!!!

After loosing peace, the internal one, I have understood the value of it. I was getting premonitions that - "hey, where the hell am I leading this way?" But being carried away in one of the emotions, and taking uncalculated risk, this is where I have landed. I am not lost at all. May be, I am just wandering here and there and looking for some kind of satisfaction and eventually some peace.

May be this is what is called as life-crisis, or something else. I don't have mindset to study what it is called, but this is certainly a kind of dangerous disturbance. Various thoughts and principles are rioting internally, and disturbing law n order.

Having tried to re-start many of my loved tasks and hobbies, I am still not able to achieve what I wanted to. I have become highly dependent on individuals for peace and happiness. The human desires are raising their heads every now and then, and I don't know how to crush them, or atleast control them. I am not really sure, whether dependence on Humans is better than dependence on objects. And this thought keeps my mind busy and anxious.

Another fear is - is my survival possible, if the individuals go away one fine day, leaving me all by myself? The actual fact is - I would survive, but I don't want to survive just because I am not dead. There's hell lot of insecured feeling, even if I try to my best to convince that feeling of insecurity itself is more insecure than insecurity itself.

So much is already been said-researched-analysed-preached about how to attain internal peace, but me being a people person, find it difficult to isolate from individuals. Would becoming stoic help me attain peace? But then what about my desires? Is there no way other than crush the desires?

Who knows, this might just be a phase of life, and will pass on the way peaceful phases pass. Let's see...