After loosing peace, the internal one, I have understood the value of it. I was getting premonitions that - "hey, where the hell am I leading this way?" But being carried away in one of the emotions, and taking uncalculated risk, this is where I have landed. I am not lost at all. May be, I am just wandering here and there and looking for some kind of satisfaction and eventually some peace.
May be this is what is called as life-crisis, or something else. I don't have mindset to study what it is called, but this is certainly a kind of dangerous disturbance. Various thoughts and principles are rioting internally, and disturbing law n order.
Having tried to re-start many of my loved tasks and hobbies, I am still not able to achieve what I wanted to. I have become highly dependent on individuals for peace and happiness. The human desires are raising their heads every now and then, and I don't know how to crush them, or atleast control them. I am not really sure, whether dependence on Humans is better than dependence on objects. And this thought keeps my mind busy and anxious.
Another fear is - is my survival possible, if the individuals go away one fine day, leaving me all by myself? The actual fact is - I would survive, but I don't want to survive just because I am not dead. There's hell lot of insecured feeling, even if I try to my best to convince that feeling of insecurity itself is more insecure than insecurity itself.
So much is already been said-researched-analysed-preached about how to attain internal peace, but me being a people person, find it difficult to isolate from individuals. Would becoming stoic help me attain peace? But then what about my desires? Is there no way other than crush the desires?
Who knows, this might just be a phase of life, and will pass on the way peaceful phases pass. Let's see...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Random Ride to ECR
It all started with me broadcasting on the group skype chat "mereko bahot bore ho rela hai", that I thought of riding off on ECR (East Coast Road). Fortunately, Sam's Honda Unicorn was available. The next thing to make available was 'getting some vella but interesting guy for the ride'. Upon doing some mischief with 'Chhota Supari', the dudes n damaads agreed for it happily.
Finally, Aj-Ankur-Viru-Vikas landed up near the escalator corridor, and Vikas kept asking - "Abe jaana kahan hai? Kya karna hai?". The next challenge was to find Sam's bike in the parking lot. But it turned out to be easy, as all the four of us started looking for a MH-12 registered bike. Once again at the office exit gate, Vikas questioned - "Karna kya hai? Jaana kahan hai?" with amazingly nice question mark on his face. No one was clear, what is the plan; but it was sure, that we wanted to ride for a good 15-20 kms on the coastal road.
So it started, with instructions on how to escape the probable fine, if policemen obstruct us. A hot tea and a round of smoke at a roadside stall, excitement was at the peak. With Vikas's ambitious plans for some firangs on the beach, we took a left turn on a road which was not that bumpy. And in all this excitement, I bumped the bike I was riding straight into the beach sand; and spent a lot of energy to get it out of the sand.
The beach was totally isolated. There was a guy (a kid probably) who was holding some rope/thread and a dark block was following him on the shore. We dont know what he was doing exactly. There was a gal on the scooterette, who accompanied her friend. And her friend was hand in hand with her bf for a long walk. All assumptions. While walking towards the waters, we obviously had some plans as a gang for the gals. The plans went in the air as soon as we reached water.
Good breeze making us feel good, and triggering us to do similar things more often. So the plan is to go for a catamaran ride sometimes in the coming weekends, and to visit Pondicherry on bikes in the next few weeks. Now, since we have all the enthu for outings, it made sense to return back to office. Yeah yeah, this short and random beach ride was planned just after the lunch on a working day.
The gal was still waiting on the scooterrette for her friend and friend's bf :-) Isey kehte hai yaari-dosti. Dost ke liye isolated beach par akele wait karne ki himmat.
The bike ride back to office was non-stop; and the excitement and happiness was at its peak! Nothing can beat the sense of achievement when we do something different.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
World is a small place
While commuting back to home from office, in the office bus, I saw Nitin Kabra as one name in the bus muster. This immediately reminded me of one Nitin Kabra who is my cousin's - Pavan Holani's friend. I will never forget the scene when we escaped drowning into Khadakwasla damn on the Rangapanchami of year 2000 in Pune.
It so happened that on the day of colors, just to save ourselves from colors and masti, we (myself, Pavan and Nitin) planned for a visit to khadakwasla and Sinhagad. Though none of us knew swimming, we were keen on taking a dip in the sunny afternoon, before going ahead to Sinhagadh for the sunset. So we all got into the water, and one step ahead there was a pit under the waters, which we couldnt see because of the muddy water. While Nitin was almost into it, I gave him my hand, and I held Pavan with the other, so that I do not loose posture and balance. And inexperienced the three of us, with water, we all were slowly getting into the pit. This was when, Pavan raised an alarm and both of us joined. Came from somewhere were 3-4 good swimmers who rescued us, and gave us a good scolding in return, which we deserved.
We got out, had some food on the adjoining stalls and went ahead to Sinhagad for the sunset. After returning back, the waiting roomies did color us :-(
This incidence in my memory got re-freshed, and I mailed Nitin to know if he is the one, and came the assertive reply. We planned to meet in the break room on my floor. It was a long gap of 9 years. And when we saw each other, he said - "Teeno zinda hai abtak!" (All three are still alive).
World is really a small place! Lost people do have a chance to meet up again.
It so happened that on the day of colors, just to save ourselves from colors and masti, we (myself, Pavan and Nitin) planned for a visit to khadakwasla and Sinhagad. Though none of us knew swimming, we were keen on taking a dip in the sunny afternoon, before going ahead to Sinhagadh for the sunset. So we all got into the water, and one step ahead there was a pit under the waters, which we couldnt see because of the muddy water. While Nitin was almost into it, I gave him my hand, and I held Pavan with the other, so that I do not loose posture and balance. And inexperienced the three of us, with water, we all were slowly getting into the pit. This was when, Pavan raised an alarm and both of us joined. Came from somewhere were 3-4 good swimmers who rescued us, and gave us a good scolding in return, which we deserved.
We got out, had some food on the adjoining stalls and went ahead to Sinhagad for the sunset. After returning back, the waiting roomies did color us :-(
This incidence in my memory got re-freshed, and I mailed Nitin to know if he is the one, and came the assertive reply. We planned to meet in the break room on my floor. It was a long gap of 9 years. And when we saw each other, he said - "Teeno zinda hai abtak!" (All three are still alive).
World is really a small place! Lost people do have a chance to meet up again.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Rejuvenated!!!
It was over a month, and I was not able to visit my hometown. My wife was in Darwha and I was in Chennai. Wife was bitterly angry with this. Surviving the anger of a wife, is no joke - let me tell you.
5th June : 12:55 pm : Wifey called, and the call was missed purposefully. I called her back again - and finished the call in 50+ seconds. Told her that - I am in Saravana bhavan ordered my lunch, and that food in my plate is served, I will call in another 30 min after finishing the food and then can talk in details. I could sense anger in phone disconnection as well.
Wifey assumed I am in Chennai, whereas I was in the bus to my hometown, roughly 10 km away.
5th June : 1:20 pm : Hriday n Papa came to the bus stand to pick me up, and the first one to be surprised is lil Hriday. He could not control his sweet smile n laughter for next 20 min after seeing his funny 'Chashaa'. Next in the row was Amu. Papa called her at the car shade, and that was the place I surprised her with a 'bhowk'! Amu was happily annoyed for the next 10 min, that why no one told her about my arrival.
And next in queue was Anjali - sleeping in the room with my daughter Goldie. Hriday on my shoulder, still laughing loud with the events, I went to the room, Anjali got up of her sleep with this noise. And she had a perfect 'dumbo' expressions seeing me in front of her. Laughing with Hriday! She was expecting my call in 30 min, and it was complete me by her side in 30 min.
With all the laughter and initial talks, it was already 2:30, when I demanded food. Puran Poli was the special menu as Mummy and Bai were already aware of my arrival. Hriday was like waiting for my food to be over so that we both can play with stones on the tin slope in the back yard (bhata phekna). By 6 pm, we had the barber at home, who actually made my taklu daugher a real taklu - Mundan!!! By 8 pm, Anand Bhaiya and Bhabhi too arrived, and no one knew when the clock started ticking the am hours - time to sleep.
Next day started with a bang - I misleaded Hriday to call Amu Buwa as 'Taklu Buwa'! And Amu was just up from the sleep with these fine words - all the anger unloaded on me snatching my long hairs; and triggering my mom n bhaiya to ask me to cut them short.
Went to 'Valsa' for devi darshan in the eve, and Amu was driving while going and I took the driving seat while returning back. And yes, I was good at the reverse gear and the typical rural pedestrians as well. Yess - I was good with the reverse gear. Read it again - I was good with the reverse gear.
The real laughter session started once we returned back and I showed this video to Hriday. We laughed till our tummy started aching badly, and then I had to stop this video. And Hriday was still having episodes of intermittent laughters, remembering the dog.
Next day, the 7th June 9 am, was the time to board the train back to Chennai, and this was the first time in past decade that I wanted to get off the train and go back home, to be with family!!!
Rejuvenated like a new born baby!
5th June : 12:55 pm : Wifey called, and the call was missed purposefully. I called her back again - and finished the call in 50+ seconds. Told her that - I am in Saravana bhavan ordered my lunch, and that food in my plate is served, I will call in another 30 min after finishing the food and then can talk in details. I could sense anger in phone disconnection as well.
Wifey assumed I am in Chennai, whereas I was in the bus to my hometown, roughly 10 km away.
5th June : 1:20 pm : Hriday n Papa came to the bus stand to pick me up, and the first one to be surprised is lil Hriday. He could not control his sweet smile n laughter for next 20 min after seeing his funny 'Chashaa'. Next in the row was Amu. Papa called her at the car shade, and that was the place I surprised her with a 'bhowk'! Amu was happily annoyed for the next 10 min, that why no one told her about my arrival.
And next in queue was Anjali - sleeping in the room with my daughter Goldie. Hriday on my shoulder, still laughing loud with the events, I went to the room, Anjali got up of her sleep with this noise. And she had a perfect 'dumbo' expressions seeing me in front of her. Laughing with Hriday! She was expecting my call in 30 min, and it was complete me by her side in 30 min.
With all the laughter and initial talks, it was already 2:30, when I demanded food. Puran Poli was the special menu as Mummy and Bai were already aware of my arrival. Hriday was like waiting for my food to be over so that we both can play with stones on the tin slope in the back yard (bhata phekna). By 6 pm, we had the barber at home, who actually made my taklu daugher a real taklu - Mundan!!! By 8 pm, Anand Bhaiya and Bhabhi too arrived, and no one knew when the clock started ticking the am hours - time to sleep.
Next day started with a bang - I misleaded Hriday to call Amu Buwa as 'Taklu Buwa'! And Amu was just up from the sleep with these fine words - all the anger unloaded on me snatching my long hairs; and triggering my mom n bhaiya to ask me to cut them short.
Went to 'Valsa' for devi darshan in the eve, and Amu was driving while going and I took the driving seat while returning back. And yes, I was good at the reverse gear and the typical rural pedestrians as well. Yess - I was good with the reverse gear. Read it again - I was good with the reverse gear.
The real laughter session started once we returned back and I showed this video to Hriday. We laughed till our tummy started aching badly, and then I had to stop this video. And Hriday was still having episodes of intermittent laughters, remembering the dog.
Next day, the 7th June 9 am, was the time to board the train back to Chennai, and this was the first time in past decade that I wanted to get off the train and go back home, to be with family!!!
Rejuvenated like a new born baby!
Monday, May 11, 2009
The Yawns!
Ever wondered, how amazing a yawn can be? I think, its the most contagious expression of humans (or dogs as well - I have noticed them yawning together). So this friend of mine - Ravi, has so many yawning babies in his orkut photo album, and each time I visit his profile, I keep yawning. Once I was irritating someone on skype chat with yawns, and it was me who was actually yawning at the end.
I think, this fascination of myself towards the yawns is the reason my daugher Goldie yawns so lovely. She started yawning with a sound since she was 5 and a half months, and I love it. This is generally an age for kids, when people around them are longing for any kind of non-crying sound from them, and this Yawn is a feast for my ears.
No wonder why researchers have spent a lot of time studying in and around of yawns - even the researchers were fascinated. People do hate yawning, as it indicates bad-manners and lack of interest. But who cares for bad-manners when we have more interest in yawning.I know the reader of this blog must be busy yawning by now, and yes, I have achieved what I wanted to!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
O M G - Another one!
O M G! Run Run Run!
What a pathetic writer I am! I really pity, those who read my blogs with some hope. Well, its a good strategy, that I criticize myself so much, that nothing is left for others :-P
Looks like, there's this 'pathetic pessimistic sadist hopeless useless Ghost' takes control of my mind, and such words are written on my notepad. The ghost story is for them, who might be wondering, what negative motivation, Aj has got to compose such poem!
I know, I have a life, many people can just dream of; and remaining others can be just jealous of - he he ho ho ha ha. I am the happiest man on earth, at this moment, and as long as earth is around.
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